Madrid ("Standard Europe")
Madrid: 3/23/2017
In the
afternoon, I headed to Madrid. The train ride was beautiful, through rolling
green hills and cliffs, but Madrid’s
weather was completely different inland – it was cloudy, rainy, and only 40
degrees. I met up with Kristen, who had been in Madrid for a day or so and had
already gone on a walking tour. She and
I went to El Retiro, a large park with beautifully manicured landscapes and
statues. We walked past El Prado, but
didn’t go in because the line was long and neither of us is really a museum
person.
Kristen took
me on a mini walking tour to the royal palace (birthplace of Charles II of
Spain, my favorite Hapsburg). If you are
not familiar with King Charles, he was the last of the Hapsburg line, and after
8 generations of inbreeding, he was, frankly, SUPER f!cked up. Here’s all you need to know about him from Wikipedia:
"The physician who performed his autopsy stated that his body 'did not contain a single drop of blood; his heart was the size of a peppercorn; his lungs corroded; his intestines rotten and gangrenous; he had a single testicle, black as coal, and his head was full of water.'
"American historians... described Charles II as 'short, lame, epileptic, senile, and completely bald before 35, he was always on the verge of death, but repeatedly baffled Christendom by continuing to live.'"
"The physician who performed his autopsy stated that his body 'did not contain a single drop of blood; his heart was the size of a peppercorn; his lungs corroded; his intestines rotten and gangrenous; he had a single testicle, black as coal, and his head was full of water.'
"American historians... described Charles II as 'short, lame, epileptic, senile, and completely bald before 35, he was always on the verge of death, but repeatedly baffled Christendom by continuing to live.'"
“Charles II
wuz here”
Contuining
on our walk, Kristen pointed out a statue of Isabel II (a queen who had a dozen
children by a dozen different men after ousting her gay husband, and who
apparently did whatever she damn well pleased), and took me to the Moorish
quarter, which had a stronger Arabic influence in the building designs. We walked past the cathedral, affectionately
named “almudena,” which means “good looking from the back, ugly from the
front,” and apparently is also a phrase applied to people’s appearance. Anyway,
this cathedral was very plain on the side facing the castle, because nothing
was allowerd to be more ornate or beautiful than the castle. On the other side,
though, the façade was very ornate.
We then
walked through some cute neighborhoods to the oldest functioning restaurant,
which has a wood stove that has burned continuously since the 1700s. Other than
that, Madrid is quite modern and is basically just like any other city in
Europe.
We had tapas
for dinner in a cute neighborhood and walked around a bit more before calling
it a night because we’re a couple of old ladies. We decided to take a day trip to Toledo in the morning.



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